


roller coaster.

by yukinatsu (GubraithianFire)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (just at the beginning), Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, FTM Hinata Shouyou, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hinata Shouyou Being an Idiot, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Idiots in Love, Jealous Hinata Shouyou, Jealousy, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Misgendering, Pining Hinata Shouyou, Snogging, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, hinata centric, lots of jealousy, winter fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 16:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GubraithianFire/pseuds/yukinatsu
Summary: Kageyama has a girlfriend.Hinata is jealous.





	roller coaster.

**Author's Note:**

> ahh i hate myself what is this

_With my heart dedicated to you_

_I hope one day you'll gently return this feeling._

 

* * *

 

 

Second Year of Junior High 

 

"Shiho," Hikaru says, trying to calm down a thunderous Hinata. 

"My name is Shouyou, now," Hinata is pressing his fingers in his palms so hard, he is sure his nails are leaving white half-moon indents in his flesh. 

"Why are you trying to break up with me?" Hikaru doesn't even sound that upset. 

"Because I am a fucking boy, and you keep treating me like I'm your girlfriend!"

"Oh, come on, don't go and be sexist now, I thought you were against gender roles."

"Shut up, you know full well that is  _not_ what I meant."

"Well, good luck keeping the bullies away when I'm no longer your boyfriend, Shiho."

 

* * *

 

First Year of High School

 

Hinata Shouyou would be the first one to admit he is not the smartest person. But it doesn't take a genius to deduce that Kageyama must have a girlfriend.

For starters, he smells differently. His usual scent, of strawberry shampoo, is now often laced with another, girlier smell. Another detail which has piqued Hinata's attention, is that the setter has started to spend less and less time with him after practice. Lastly, the hickeys. 

Well, now that Hinata thinks about it, he should have just mentioned them. They are the most overwhelming proof that Kageyama is, now, involved with someone. 

 _Someone that is not him_. 

Hinata shakes his head. That's not good thinking. 

He doesn't want a boyfriend. Not after Hikaru, at least. 

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like shit when he thinks about it. He guesses he should call things with their name. What he is feeling is  _je_ _alousy_ , pure and simple jealousy. It leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, it makes his head spin and bad thoughts come to him. It's invading, that's what it is, this jealousy feeling that invades his mind and doesn't leave room for a breather. 

Hinata feels tarred and feathered by it. 

It's clammy and suffocating and disgusting and it makes him want to cry. 

This is utterly ridiculous.

First of all, he used to think Kageyama was irritatingas hell. Second of all, Kageyama has never been actually  _nice_ to him. He is always calling Hinata " _boke_ " and other variations of the word.

Although, that is not quite true; Kageyama is indeed rude to him, but he is also surpisingly kind when it comes to Hinata. He apologises for a bad toss, and always carries Hinata's water bottle to him when he forgets to drink during practice.

(And if he forgets on purpose, well, that is irrelevant.) 

Kageyama always knows what Hinata is thinking before the middle blocker even realises what he is feeling. Kageyama who is always there for him, Kageyama who is so beautiful. 

He is merciless. 

He made Hinata fall in love with him, after he had promised himself he would never, ever feel those kind of emotions again. 

Not that he had ever even felt something as intense as this. 

Hinata feels his binder gnawing at the skin below his breasts, and knows he should take it off. Nevertheless, he has just received a text from Kageyama asking him if they can meet up, and even though Hinata trusts him, he doesn't want to show up without a binder. Dysphoria would kick his ass. 

He is glad the Karasuno team understands. They never dead-name him, they are always kind and understanding and never go easy on him in practice. 

In junior high, Hinata was forced to join the girls' team, even after he had repeatedly stated he was a boy. It goes without saying, he almost never went to practice, and trained by himself. He even had a paper from a gender therapist which asked for Hinata not to be treated like a girl. 

But no one ever did, and the bullies became particularly cruel after they discovered it. 

It was only in the last semester of his last year of junior high that he was allowed to apply for the boys' volleyball "fan" club. So, Hinata did. He gathered his two best friends and a couple of first years and went to a tournament. 

The phone rings. 

"Yo, 'yama."

 "Dumbass, where are you? You're late!" 

Hinata checks the time on his phone. 

"You said to meet you 9:30pm? It's only 8:45pm."

"Hinata,  _boke_ , I said  _8:30pm_  at the swings in the playground in front of your house. Hurry, we are freezing."

"We? Who's th-"

"Just hurry." And with this, the line goes dead. 

Hinata purses his lips in thought, but then he shrugs and goes downstairs to wear his warm jacket and hat. He doesn’t want to catch a cold. Just to be on the safe side, he also wraps his scarf around his neck. 

“Mom, I’m going out, just for a few minutes! Kageyama has something to tell me.  _Ittekimasu_.”

” _Itterashai_ , and say hi to Kageyama-kun from me.”

Hinata nods and opens the door, hissing a little at the sudden wave of cold that hits his face. He burrows his face in his scarf, wrapping his arms around his lean body. It’s freezing. 

He crosses the road, and enters the small playground. 

There, on the swings, is Kageyama. Hinata would start running to him, but something stops him from doing so. 

Well, not something, rather someone. 

Kageyama is not alone on the swings. He is talking in hushed voices with a pretty, pretty girl, who is sitting on the other swing, that is oscillating slightly in the wind. 

They are holding hands.

Hinata is really tempted to turn on his heels and run away, but Kageyama sees him. 

“Oi, Hinata!” He calls, getting up from the swing and trotting towards him. 

Hinata forces himself to smile his usual, carefree smile, but his heart aches impossibly. 

"Yo," He says, lifting his hand up in a peace sign.

"Sorry I called you out so late," Kageyama mumbles, and it feels so out character Hinata suspects it was Mystery Girl who told him to apologise, "But I wanted to introduce you two properly, before practice on Monday, since she's gonna be there and all. This is my girlfriend."

Hinata peers behind Kageyama's back, and Mystery Girl takes a step forward, extending her arm. 

"Katahira Nagisa," She says, a bright, but nervous smile playing at her lips. 

"Hinata Shouyou,  _yoroshiku_."

" _Yoroshiku_."

Hinata turns to Kageyama. "Why did you want us to meet before practice? Am I special or somehing?" He wriggles his brows at Kageyama, who shoves him away with an embarrassed, " _Boke_ ," and a little smile. 

Hinata loves him so much he feels like his chest is full of fireflies. Luminous and bright. 

"Are you in our year?" Hinata asks. 

"Oh, yeah. I'm in 1-3 with Tobio-kun."

_Oh, already calling him Tobio, are you?_

"Can I call you Nagisa-chan?" 

Nagisa looks a little taken aback, but she smiles, and nods, "Sure."

"Oi, trying to steal my girl?"

Hinata forces a laugh, "Not at all, trust me."

They talk, for a while, and Hinata must admit he actually likes Nagisa-chan. 

"Well, I'd better head back, Natsu asked me to read her a story before bed," Hinata lies, for Natsu hasn't said such a thing. 

"Oh, okay," Kageyama sounds a little disappointed. 

"Bye bye, it's been a pleasure Nagisa-chan! And see you at practice, Kageyama!"

This said, Hinata turns on his heels and runs towards his house. 

"Shou-chan, that was quick! Wait, why are you cryin-"

Hinata walks past his mom and takes the first step on the stairs, when his mom grabs him by the arm. 

"Shou-chan..." She just says, and Hinata turns to burrow his face in his mother's chest. She doesn't ask him what happened, she knows better than that. Hinata lets everything out, hugging his mom so tight to him he knows she must be in pain. But she lets him cry on, not uttering a word, carding her fingers though his hair, and Hinata mentally thanks her for being such a great parent.

"I'm going to sleep now," He enventually says, untangling himself from his mom's arms. 

"I'm here if you ever need to talk about it, love," It's her only reply. Hinata silently nods, and climbs the stairs that lead to his bedroom. 

When in his room, he grabs his volleyball and hugs it to his chest, for it has started to hurt a whole lot. Without getting out of his clothes, and still holding the ball, he lies on the bed in foetal position, and lets himself drift to sleep. 

 

* * *

 

Two days later 

 

Hinata cannot focus on practice at  _all_ , not when  _she_  is there. 

She is sitting against the wall, and cheers on them during their practice three-on-three match. She looks comfortable, not at all awkward. 

Noya-san and Tanaka-san keep turning their gaze to Nagisa-chan, and back to Kageyama, as if they cannot believe the guy got a girlfriend before they did. 

Everyone else had been a bit taken aback when Kageyama had introduced her, but now they are playing like usual. 

Well, except for Tsukishima. 

The middle blocker keeps staring between Kageyama and Hinata, cocking his head at their missed quicks, and Hinata feels like he is being read like an open book. Like he is a specimen that is being studied and prodded at. 

When practice is over, Nagisa-chan helps clean up, and then she and Kageyama disappear, holding hands. 

Hinata doesn't even know what to feel anymore. 

"Oi, shrimpy," Tsukki says, touching Hinata's arm lightly. 

"Y-yeah?" Hinata doesn't know very well how to reply, for Tsukishima has never really apporached him that... carefully. 

"I know it's none of my business, but... the way Kageyama looks at Katahira-san... it's not the same way he looks at you. What I mean is, try talking to him? I know you feel... a certain way about him."

Hinata sets his jaw. 

"You're right, this is none of your business."

Hinata stuffs his hat on his head and walks to his bike. He unties it and starts pedalling with force towards his house. 

He doesn't want to think about it, but Tsukishima's words echo in his brain, giving him a headache. 

 

* * *

 

 

Three weeks later 

 

Kageyama and Nagisa-chan are still together. Hinata has been asked to hang out with them a few times, to the cinema or the amusement park. Which is weird as heck. But Kageyama had asked repeatedly,  _begging,_ even, and well, Hinata can never say no to him. 

Hinata is reluctant to admit Nagisa-chan is lovely. Which makes it harder to hate her. So Hinata doesn't, and tries to get along with her as much as he can. 

He checks his watch. 

They are late. 

"Shouyou-kun!" 

"Hey, Nagisa-chan," Hinata smiles, scratching at the back of his head.  

"Sorry I'm late," She says, breathing heavy, bowing a little. 

"Don't worry. Do you know when Kageyama is gonna be here?" 

"Actually, I lied when I texted you that both me and Tobio-kun wanted to meet up with you. He is not going to be here."

Hinata actually takes a step back. 

"W-what?" 

If Kageyama found out, what would he think? 

"Can we walk?" Nagisa smiles awkwardly. Hinata slowly nods, and they start strolling around, without talking. 

Finally, Nagisa sighs. "Listen, this is about Tobio-kun. I wanna break up with him."

Hinata stops in his track, and turns to her with a shocked face. 

"B-but why? He's literally so cool!"

Nagisa chuckles softly. 

"Don't misunderstand me, I like him. A lot. I won’t deny I’ve had a terrible crush on him since I met him but… I care about him too much to carry on with our relationship.” 

Hinata furrows his brow. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I'm not in love, but he is. Just not with me."

Hinata furrows his brow, and cocks his head to the side. 

Nagisa smiles, "You're as naïve as Tobio-kun says."

"Why are you telling me all this?" 

She shakes her head, as if he is a lost cause. "Food for thoughts, huh? I'm gonna have to have this same conversation with Tobio-kun tonight."

"O-okay?" 

"Bye bye, Shouyou-kun. Hope you and Tobio-kun will be happy."

This said, she turns on her heels and starts walking away. 

Hinata is confused. 

 

* * *

 

 

That same evening 

 

Hinata keeps tossing the ball up against the wall of his room, and then again. He can't stop thinking of Nagisa-chan's words. The girl is so cryptic. 

"Shou-chan," his mom knocks on the door, and he stops playing with the ball. 

"Yeah?"

"Kageyama-kun is here to see you, but he doesn't want to come up."

His heart jumping in his throat, Hinata croaks out a strangled, "Tell him I'm coming!" And hurries to throw his binder on and a warm, over-sized sweater. 

He runs down the stairs, fearing the worst; like Kageyama blaming him for his break-up with Nagisa.

Hinata wears his shoes and opens the door. Outside, under the heavy snowfall, is Kageyama. 

His hair is almost white because of the snowflakes, his cheeks are impossibly red and his breathing erratic. 

He looks a mess. 

"Kageyama, what-"

Before Hinata can finish his sentence, Kageyama grabs his face and kisses him deeply. 

His lips are chapped and freezing, and Hinata doesn't really know how to kiss someone back. 

Yet, he couldn't, for all his might, imagine a more perfect kiss. It's romantic. It's desperate. It's a " _tadaima_ _"._ It's a " _I trust you_ ". It's long due. 

It's everything. 

Hinata brings his hands up to cup the setter's, to warm them up. They are so cold, and the idiot isn't wearing any gloves.

Kageyama parts Hinata's lips with the tip of his tongue, almost asking for permission. Hinata gladly subsides, opening his mouth wide, and welcoming Kageyama's sort of clumsy tongue. 

They separate when they cannot breathe anymore, breathing heavy and with their eyes full of tears. 

"Hinata Shouyou," Kageyama says solemnly, "I love you. I want us to date.  _Onegai shimasu_." He bows. 

Hinata laughs. 

"You don't have to be so formal, idiot."

Uneasiness starts creeping up Hinata's back.

_Remember Hikaru..._

"You're not... you're not straight, are you?" 

Kageyama looks up from underneath his fringe. 

"Straight? I'm asking a boy out, how can I be straight? Hinata,  _boke_."

Hinata hears someone sob. It takes him a while to realise it is him who is crying. 

"Idiot, why are you crying?"

"Because you make me so fucking happy, you utter  _cretin,_  come here."

The snow keeps falling. 

But the two boys don't mind, hugging tightly, laughing a little in each other's mouth. 

"I think you're my soulmate," Hinata blurts out, when they untangle. 

Kageyama actually blushes. 

" _Boke_ ," He just says, hiding his face in Hinata's shoulder. 

"You're mine, too."

Hinata grins. 

He needs to send a  _thank you_  note to Nagisa-chan. 

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based on: [Haikyuu!! Drama CD - "Kageyama-kun from Class 3"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az1gG4tsmcQ) (like, I just got the idea from this but the fic has nothing to do with it)  
> song at the beginning: [阿吽のビーツ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiqjnFhLq2U) by 羽生まゐご.  
> my blog: @[clarimasu](https://clarimasu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> pls comment and kudo!! also I rly enjoyed this trope and I might continue in this 'verse, let me know if you're interested!!
> 
> bye bye


End file.
